Memories Part 3: Selfish Love

It was just another regular day for me, a time to rise from the ashes and learn from the lessons of the past. Who would know that in the not so distant future, fate will yet again stir the cauldron of emotiion.

A simple day of meeting new people has weilded another friend. This one was no different from the ones I've met before, a faceless companion connected only by means of modern contraptions. It was everyday that I got to a seemingly innocent conversation with her. I made it a point to make my life an open book to her so she would see the real person inside. It came to a point that we made phone calls to each other just to get more talk time. What started out as
pure friendship blossomed into a deeper level of human interest. We were falling for each other. What makes it different is that we have never met, physically. As much as we tried to contain it and leave it until we see each other, our emotions got the best of us. I suddenly found myself listening to her confess her feelings and I could not deny I had none for her.

And so it came to pass that we should finally see each other. I set out to look for her and attend her cousin's small birthday celebration. Small because it would only be me and a friend. As I set out on my mission to finally see her, I felt an unusual calmness. Unusual being that eventhough I have not met her in person yet, I could care less what she looks like at this point. As I walked through their gate, I can sense that she was excited to meet me too.

She was small framed woman with spellbinding smile that could melt the ice caps. She has curly hair and china eyes. A weekness of mine, or so it seems. As soon as we said our greetings, our eyes would not seperate. It is as if it was catching up on all the times it had missed being bounded. We talked and whispered sweet nothings to each other, we couldn't get enough. When I held her hand, I felt I could take on anyone or anything. It was as indescribable as the feeling an athlete has when he wins a game. We departed with the thought that tomorrow will be the beginning of the rest of our lives.

Throughout the length of our relationship, it had occur to me that we were never really officially "together". We were just two people sharing a common emotion for each other. One day during our long hours of talk, she explains that I cant be a part of her life as hers is already complicated. Her mother has a unique illness and she is still studying as a second year college student. I was already working. Her back problems have been getting worse and I fear she is not telling me something. As the days went on, she requested that I stop seeing her and that further contact with her would only end in tears. She would not explain, she wouldn't tell me anything. I tried to visit her at her house but she just turned me away crying her eyes out. I can tell that she was in deep sorrow, and yet, I don't understand why. Her cousing won't tell me anything either and that by knowing stuff would only complicate things for me. I told her that I was already a part of her life and that whatever complications arise we would face together. She stopped taking my calls, answering my messages and completely banished herself from me.

It was selfish love, I thought. If you love a person, you would share everything, even that tears. At the risk of making my life complicated is not good enough reason for me. Everyday during those times I've speculated. Was she dying from the same illness as her mom? Was she going away to another place where I can never see her? I don't know. "Why'd you have to be so perfect?" she asked while crying. I told her I'm not. "I just fit in to your life". I never saw her again. How can she be so selfish?