Memories Part 2: Forever is a Month and a Half

Many of us would ask: How long is forever? This much I found out.

I've met the woman of my dreams in the most modern setting possible: At an EB with a group of people from a TV chatroom. I was hesitant at first as I've never been to such gatherings. My friend finally convinced me to come as he would introduce me as the new member.

When I first saw her, she was a vision of simplicity. Smooth, white skin, t-shirt, a pair of jeans and rubber shoes. The way she looked that day would forever be a part of my definition of beauty. It's true that fate can take you places you would never dream possible or real. It was simple enough. Boy meets girl, they fall for each other and vowed to always stay that way for as long as they can. The office itself was a witness to our love, we shared true loves first kiss at her office cubicle. Unbeknownst to us, the security guard was also a witness. The next morning she was given a verbal warning, leaving me banned for life at her office space.

Everyday was worth living and it would seem like the sun itself is shining just for me. I finally found a reason for being, a sense of purpose in this misbegotten place we call life. I've found things inside me that I never knew existed, the caring and loving me that I shut away years ago. It is through her as well, that I've discovered the darker side of my soul, the jealous and insecure me that I never knew to be part of my personality. Love can really bring out the best and the worst in people.

During the progress of our relationship, we began to act immature and somewhat different from where we started. I was introduced to her parents as one of her suitors, not as her boyfriend, much to my dismay. I've come to the understanding that I am not really a priority for her and that a Meteor Garden episode is much more important than the long hours of phone time we used to have. The thought crossed my mind more than once that, I've become a resting place for her when she found her world too toxic and not as a source of inspiration and love. I've began to see her differently as well. To me, she became an obligation and I have to spend time with her just to keep her interested in me. She's practically a breadwinner in her family and she earns more than what I had back then. It was inevitable I guess....

The day came when I was going to introduce her to my parents, we had a pre-arranged time and date. She had to go to an outing with her officemates to Laguna, she insisted that she would make it on time and that I had nothing to worry about. When it was time for them to leave Laguna and go back to Manila, her friends thought it would be cool to have breakfast in Tagaytay first. I told her that she would not make it and that a trip to Tagaytay would mean she would get to Manila during the afternoon and not in the morning as we had planned. I told her that she can just decline and inform her friends that she has a very important place to go to. After weeks, I've finally convinced my parents to stay at the house long enough for them to meet her. I've never brought any girl to them, friend or otherwise and they were thrilled as I am. It was as I had foreseen, she was late and my parents could not wait for her as they are bound to Urdaneta that day. "Looks like your girl is a no show." said my dad jokingly. I was disappointed as much as they were. I told her over a text message that since she doesn't really take me seriously and that I'm a low priority guy for her, it would be better if we should just call it quits. I waited for her to arrive in Manila and her boss convinced me that it was my fault and that I should not demand such things with her. I took it like a man and just admitted it was my bad just to shut her up. We got over it for now.....

We tried to stay afloat for a while and patch things up even though it would seem it was not meant to be mend. Fact of the matter is, I still love her and I would not let go so easily. I tried to keep her but she said that she has lost interest and that she doesn't feel the same anymore. It was hard to swallow and I couldn't bare the fact that the woman who I thought was "the one" will suddenly be gone, banished in my life for good. I could not admit it then, but I had lost interest as well. It was my fear of failure that kept me going and it was not love after all. I tried to make amends with her and apologize for all the bad things I've said and done but it would seem that we're not on speaking terms anymore. I've lost a good friend and I've lost the woman I loved.

And so it lasted only a month and a half. The word forever will never be the same again.