Tales of a Jaded Representative

I think I've heard it all. It's not surprising that a race that wallow in superiority complex would think that they can outsmart every one else with their outrageous stories and mundane excuses. They swim in their own fluids, drunk with too much democracy and diluted with the illusion that they are entitled for everything but not for consequences and responsibilities.

I didn't receive my bill.
It's funny how they don't receive their bill but get the free coupons and discounted checks in the mail. I doubt that the postal service is selective about these things. Not to mention the fact that these things are registered. They're fortunate that we're not allowed to tell them what a big fat liar they are. With the number of calls that we receive with this problem, you would think that the postal service was still in it's pony express days. I've seen mailmen work, they're as dedicated as they come.

Why are you charging me with this?
For a super power, a whole lot of them don't really read anything. It wouldn't hurt to check the fine print before enclosing your signature. If you were dealing with the devil, a lot of these people would've lost their soul. A lot of their questions are actually answered just by reading. I guess I should be thankfull. If they woke up smarter, I would lose my job.

I'm entitled to---
They've read their rights. Hurray. They left out their responsibilities. Not surprised. Where else would you see a smoker win against a cigarette company because they didn't say smoking was bad. Where else would you see someone win against a fastfood chain because they got scalded with hot coffee saying the cup was not properly labeled or because they got too fat from eating burgers and fries. Where else would you get a lawsuit because you tried to help a dying man. They know their rights. Apparently, that's all they know.

My excuse is---
They may not be all that bright. But when it comes to excuses, they're infinitely prolific. Some are well thought out but still, some others are insulting. They will throw everything including the kitchen sink to get away with something or to get what they want.
"I threw out my bill. Technically, I never received it. Waive my fees."
"You need to talk to my mother for this?? Alright..... Hello, this is Mary." (mans voice immitating a womans)
"My dog ate my bill."--- classic kindergarten excuse
"I didn't know you have to pay the bill monthly."
"Why is there an interest with your credit card? I wasn't informed of this!"
"I tried to pay my bill (credit card), but your system won't accept my credit card (same card)." follow up question: " That's not allowed? That's stupid. Let me talk to your supervisor!"
"I sent my payment today, why are you saying you haven't received it? Don't you dare charge me a late fee!"

NOT EXCUSES BUT STILL FUNNY AS HELL:
Man: "Your TV says it's cable ready and yet I'm not getting any channels!"
Agent: "Do you have a cable subscription? Have you checked with them?"
Man: "I don't have cable subscription, I don't have to. Your TV says its cable ready!"

Man: "I've had it with your computer company! I've been trying to find this key and it's not in your $%# keyboard!"
Agent: "Which key are you looking for, sir?"
Man: "It says on my screen Press any key. Where is the any key???"

Woman calls 1-800 number for an eletric company
Woman: "Hello. You've got to help me, my neighbor's house is on fire!"
Agent: "Ma'am, you should call 911 emergency. We can't call them for you."
Woman: "I don't know their number, yours is the only one I know off hand!"

Agent has been trying to pull up account for customer...
Agent: "Sir, I do apologize but the account number you gave me is invalid."
Man: "That's $%$#$%^^&. You're not doing it right."
Agent: "When did you establish service with us?"
Man: "Long ago. I've been with ____ (different company) for many years."
Agent: "Sir, you're calling ____ (company name)."
Man: "But all you electric companies are the same, can't you pull up my account? Their lines are busy!"

Agent assisting customer with software installation...
Agent: "Ok sir, you have to insert the CD in the CD-ROM drive. It's in your CPU, the top portion that ejects a tray."
Man: ".........Oh. You mean the cup holder??"

I'll post some more when I get the time. Until then, may your calls be sane and coherent. May the good Lord guide your hand and prevent you from releasing your calls. Jaded as I may be, I still love my job. I hope you share the same fervor with your work.