It's a record. I've managed to stay single through the holidays for 24 straight years. Can't say I'm proud of it but, it's an achievement on it's own. It seems only last year I promised myself never to allow anything to come in the way of finding romance, I inevitably missed out on it again. A trend, I suppose. It's the same scene as always: I'll be looking out on the window thinking of the things I could've done, things I could've said like something from a cheesy feel-good movie.
Although I value companionship as much as the next guy, I can't bring myself to rush things and sometimes say things even when it should be at that moment in time. A weakness I am aware of, much to my regret. It's ridiculously funny when I can sweep any woman off her feet but feel so uneasy at even trying to say something nice to someone I really like. Must be a curse that all ex-players must deal with. The only explanation I could think of is that when you say flowery words to someone to impress them, it's easy and you don't think of the consequences because it doesn't bare any meaning to you as opposed to saying it to someone you do like. Doesn't make sense sometimes. It's better that way I guess. If attraction was easy I guess we would have a good book about it.
By the way, I decided not to go about with the mission I was tasked with. I've contemplated and concluded that everyone deserves the chance to be happy. If this girl really loves this asshole, it doesn't matter what I show her. She would still choose him. If she gets burned in the end, maybe it's a lesson she needed to learn. Plus the fact that I don't really have the time and energy to steal someone's affection. I already have my hands full with this girl I like (not that I've done much) without having to take on a new load.
Somehow, I feel that everything is in its place. In as much as I want to change things, I'm afraid I don't have the will power to do that yet. I just hope she understands that she's that important to me. Not that she reads any of my journals here, still I'm hopeful that she will know.
Birthday Girl
9 years ago
5 comments:
dang! how i wish this chuvaness suddenly realizes just how you value her (gaano nga ba?) if i were you i'd tell her the truth (para matapos na ang kalbaryo ko no?)
I actually gave up on her a long time ago but, I promised myself I'd tell her anyway... She deserves better me thinks....
methinks, that YOU "deserve" BETTER...someone who's is not as dense as chuvaness :D
She knows how I feel. She's not THAT dense. She just pretends to be. I guess she doesn't like confrontations.
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