After much stalking and probing, my worst fears have been confirmed. The Anomaly turned out to be nothing more than a spark of light in a sea of illumination. My intuitions have once again thwarted my hopes. Hopes that somehow I could change it.
After a long ordeal of fighting for sanity while I was under the influence of the flu and fever was running my imaginations wild, one blinding truth broke it and eventually brought me back to reality. She sent a message saying she would only treat me as a friend and nothing more. Ouch. That hurt the second time. Once again, I've been judged before given a chance. What are the odds of that? I seem to be breaking odds all the time...
With much thought, I blame myself again for hoping against my better judgment. Frankly speaking, I'm disappointed at her because I thought she was different from the rest. But mostly, disappointed at me for I thought I could change that. Charge to experience seem to be the fitting response for all this.
I'm currently undergoing my usual meditation to console myself and avoid getting too bitter. I pray for her as well, asking God to open her eyes. Genuinely speaking, I fear for her for she may not find anyone if she keeps this up. She is my friend, after all...Though she may not treat me as one. Reminds me of something I learned from a mentor of mine. "You're always trying to find someone perfect to love", he says to me. "Try to switch it around this time. Find someone to love and I promise you, she will be perfect. No matter how she looks or what she does." He was right, of course.
Finally, I must apologize for not updating this blogg. It has been good to me and I've neglected it.
Birthday Girl
9 years ago
3 comments:
life may not turn out as you expect, sometimes, when it feels like taking the role of a cruel tyrant, it leaves you in the dirt after stretching you in the rack and dousing you in super heated crude oil, just for fun. however, i think life also has an alter ego. i think someday, life will help you find someone who's right for you, someone who's your significant other all along.
you know what, the anomaly is also searching, like you, but perhaps, you two aren't really supposed to be. accept it. there's someone better for you, don't despair.
shark
life may not turn out as you expect, sometimes, when it feels like taking the role of a cruel tyrant, it leaves you in the dirt after stretching you in the rack and dousing you in super heated crude oil, just for fun. however, i think life also has an alter ego. i think someday, life will help you find someone who's right for you, someone who's your significant other all along.
you know what, the anomaly is also searching, like you, but perhaps, you two aren't really supposed to be. accept it. there's someone better for you, don't despair.
Its not despair, it's merely a feeling of disappointment when you think you've found someone right and turns out to be someone so wrong. I have no doubt that I will find someone or realize I was not meant to have such things. Whichever comes first, I'm glad you're along for the ride, ol' chap....
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