Farewell

Three years have passed and yet it seemed shorter than a week. Months of trying to reach you in vain, waiting on the other end of the line, praying to hear your voice. I have failed. Months sending you mail and messages in all forms, waiting for a short greeting or a sign that you've received my letters. I have failed. One day to travel miles just to see you and talk to you. I have failed.

In my endeavors to find you, I have found only disappointment and a stinging loneliness that even the deafening laughter of friends around me cannot dowse. In my efforts to cling to my eroding feelings for you, I have bled myself dry. Do I mean so little to you? Am I not worth a minute of your time? You're busy, I know. I am too. I see all these pictures of you in all the fun places doing all the fun things and all I can think about is that you didn't even think of me for a second. Am I selfish to think that? Do I ask so much?

No. I'm tired of trying to defend you and your actions. I deserve better than being ignored. When I sought out to find you and end it all, I asked God if I was doing the right thing. I got my answer. God guided me to the one place I would find you and I didn't even make a wrong turn anywhere. I stood on your doorstep and knocked. I got no response and I walked away. I didn't need an answer. Maybe I got used to the blank response I always got from you. I owed myself that trip. The part of me that loves you. Now I know how much effort you'll put on my account. Now I know how I rank in the scheme of things. Now I know what part I play in your life. It's the same amount as the response I got when I knocked on your door.

When I woke up the next morning, I was still lonely. But now, I don't have to be tied up or held back. I no longer set any limits for myself. Now, I can live without carrying the burden of a one sided relationship. I thank you for teaching me a lesson I will not soon forget. I thank you for what love you've shown me. Now I must say farewell.