Just Got Paid

Nothing feels like the warm sensation of reaching out to that ATM and getting some of your hard-earned cash. Makes the torture of having to explain the energy deregulation law to an 80-year-old woman worth it. I've had money before, but it's not quite like this.

Makes my policy of "don't mind the money, mind the work" really hard to swallow. I have to keep reminding myself that the cash I earn is only a means to an end, not the main goal of why I work. This way, I love my job and the dough is just bonus. Someday, I'll setup a business of my own, be my own boss. For now, let's be the good employee.

Blinded Future

Recently, a chain of events have occurred that has turned the tide. The powers that be has decided to assign me to another split. A decision I was not advised of. It is not my place to decide on where my battles should lie but, a warrior must know if he would be thrown into a fray. Now, I fear for my survival. It was unforeseen that the perks I was beginning to enjoy would be taken away so quickly.

Anyway, enough about my job. A jedi's work is no place for a blogg. My attention draws to chuvaness again. It's been an unsettling scene to watch her be drawn to someone else. I fear that she would fall for this friendly admirer, I must do something quickly before she is lost to me. I can no longer afford to remain in dark and watch her drift away. Still, I wouldn't know what to do if I were to make a move. The path of uncertainty is a road I never choose, it's been a policy of mine to always take a path I know would lead me to a place I want to be.

Too much risk for something so uncertain. Will it be worth it? We shall soon see.

My Word is Stronger than Oak

This statement is from a movie starring Tom Cruise. It denotes that a promise from me is stronger than any contract you can ever sign.

A couple of weeks ago, I had made a pact with my supervisor that I won't be absent if I could avoid it. This day, I am bound to attend an important family event. I chose not to go. In the eyes of my family, it is but another show of rebellion and neglect for the bloodlines. For me, it is a testimony of manhood.

The difference between a man and a boy boils down to one thing. A man is responsible for the things he does and says. A boy however, is not accountable for anything. Today, I chose to live up to my duties and my word at the cost of having a lot of eye brows raised at the family affair. I've never broken any promises, I'm not about to start now. Many people despise me for this trait, some admire me for it. My concern lies not with what people think of me, but what I think of myself. I could never look myself in the mirror if I know I could've done better. If the heroes of the past chose to be with their families at the hour need, the country would still be in slavery. Sacrifices are made for the good of everything. This small birthday party is just the beginning.

In the end, what makes man a man are the choices he makes. Not his past, not his rapport, but by the things he stand for.

An Unsettling Silence

It's been quite a while since I wrote at this blogg page. The silence that followed after the horrible loss of internet access at the office was simply unbearable. The aftermath that followed was even more catastrophic. The blame game was on. It was rumored that one agent was responsible for this senseless deprivation of privilege, her name I dare not say. One story points to a seemingly hapless girl who exploits her internet access, the other points to a vulgar agent who shared her privilege to others. Which story is true? I dare not say at the risk of becoming biased. The seemingly hapless girl is one of my good friends. The other, however, has a bad image on me.

The loss, however, opened up a rather interesting fact. Most agents who use this privilege do it out of either boredom or just because it's there. The one's who really need it still go out of their way to access the net. One such as me. For me, this privilege is a window for my thoughts. My mind often wanders into the void and barely stays inside the confines of an office. The net has proven to be quite a space to wander about. For those who still view this blogg page, my thanks to you. Bare in mind though, that I write simply to satisfy my hunger to express myself and not to impress the readers. Explains why I continue to type away even when there is no one to listen. My heart goes out to chuvaness who has deeply suffered at the loss of this little office perk. Hopefully, this undertaking will give her time to interact with the people around her. More so, with me. I'm keeping my fingers cross. Hopefully, this unsettling silence would hide my intentions.

Wheels of the Industry

This past few weeks have been a real back-breaker. I found myself waking up to go to work early. The thought of logging in to take in calls gave my blood a stir it has so longed for this past few months. I have come to love my job again.

Aside from my "chuvaness" who gives me inspiration, the powers that be has given us something to look forward to. Extra earnings. Nothing drives the wheels of the industry like the promise of a good cash register ring. The calls are never on queue for a long time as the agents rush to get more calls. A renewed gladness and strength has gripped the whole precinct. Is as if a Christmas miracle started early. The tables have been turned upside down. Agents frown when their on "avail" status, the noise that lingers are that of business matters, the team leaders are begging for us to take our breaks.

How long before the human soul becomes unsatisfied once again? Only time will tell. For now, it is the age of progress. Let us hope it stays longer.

The Jedi Unmasked

Recently I have learned that the "anomaly" had discovered the nature of my intentions for her. A jedi trait perhaps? During a recent exchange of information from "Agent D", the beautiful and seductive traveler from the east, I have learned that she had been aware of my mission for God knows how long! Clearly this is a breach in security that I had not foreseen. I have underestimated my quarry and she turned out to be smarter and more observant than I had originally anticipated.

Then again, (and I've said this countless number of times), I'm not really good at practicing discretion since my feelings get ahead of me. A flaw I'm unable to correct since time in memorial. I only wish I had told her myself rather than her deducing it from sheer observation. I wish I'd told her how my heart stops for five seconds every time she smiles, how she inspires me and lights up my darkest moments, how a man of so many words become speechless at the mere sight of her. Okay, maybe it's a little cheesy but, it's understandable because of my current state. Oh, regrets.

The tension grows, however. The distance between us narrows at each passing moment. There may be no hope for me to ameliorate the situation. 'Tis a tragedy to lose the battle before it has begun. For now, I intend not to end the masquerade and try to build whatever it is that I've started. I wish I would have her eyes look at me in the same way again. May God help us in this undertaking.

Journey Back to Dark Side

I had another encounter with the dark side just recently. What seemed like an innocent team bonding with a couple of officemates turned out to be a blast from the past. I found myself in the familiar dance floor at Ratzky. The music was just right and the dance floor called out to me like it once did before.

In life, all of us have to deal with our dark past and the things we gave up for the good of something. Kenshee Himura has his Battousai past and Beatrix Kiddo has her Black Mamba. I, on the other hand, had this other side of me I thought I had already banished. I must admit that when I was there, I couldn't fathom why I gave up all the partying for. Life is good and I'm young and single. "I should be out there grazing and stalking wild prey", I said to myself. Then again, the price I had to pay for all the hard partying back then made a painful backlash to my health and my financial standing. It takes a man to live dangerously and be on fortune's good humor but, it takes a better man to say "no" to the easy way out and do what is required of him.

Chuvaness once said that I look older for my age and that I act too seriously towards a lot of things. I replied and told her that maybe I just grew older earlier than most guys. When I think about all the money and time I've wasted during those partying years, I could never really forgive myself for not seeing clearly the path that I SHOULD take. I made promises to a lot of people I love and I intend to keep them. I've never broken a promise before and I'm not about to start now. I've hurt a lot of people this way, some of them are my closest friends. But in the end, if they are your friends, they will welcome you again with open arms. Be it your dark side or not. This is the path I chose. I hope you have already made yours, wisely.

A picture of my favorite dark lord of the sith... 

A graphic illustration of Jealousy, kinda blurry dont you think 

Jealousy for those Who Care Not

Yet another entry regarding the ever elusive chuvaness. To this day, my progress gained as much as the peso had recovered against the dollar. A weary and dreadful outcome seems to be the theme for every chance encounters.

My unease whenever she's around becomes more and more prominent with each passing day. I'm usually an affectionate guy, making my presence felt with a pat on the shoulder or a surprise back massage and even a light kiss on the cheeks with some. With her, everything changes. A greeting with a conservative smile, an eyebrow salute at the hallways and a not-so-accommodating wave good-bye. To some, it has become evident that I treat her differently and I act strange around her. To her, it is but a mere, trivial matter. She cares not for the way I treat her and is mostly unaware of my presence. At least to my knowledge. I've been catching her off guard with sly glances in my direction, I treat it with a comical tone for it is not in good nature of a Jedi to assume things.

Jealousy is indeed only for the things you would want to be exclusively yours. It may be that she does not wish to be treated the same for the simple fact that she does not care for it. People are starting to notice and she seems to be the only one who is absolutely clue-less regarding the matter. If she knows, I would really like to get at least a reaction of some sort, believe me when I say something is better than nothing at all. And so, my journey continues....

This poorly made picture made it look like I was in a jedi dream sequence. 

This is one of our pathetic attempts to promote some of our favorite products using our own marketing skills. Notice the almost fake smile I have... 

Chuvaness Conundrums

I spoke with the shark on the account of our chuvaness. It has been a while since the shark had start to stalk its prey and I started investigating on the anomaly. Since then, we have been inspired in ways we could not even start to explain. It is clear that the chuvaness has become more than a prey to the shark and has become more than an anomaly to me. We are left in a precarious position of moving forward in the direction where we can't go back or to remain amidst the crowd and continue on with the mission that we both started out on.

The competition seemed unabated and are constantly pursuing chuvaness at a disturbing pace. As much as we would like to take up the challenge, we are confronted with deeper issues that we were not able to resolve during the length of our mission. The fear of rejection has always been a hurdle on my part and the response of chuvaness to this advance might be treated as a consequential event brought about by her magnetism. I must admit that her smile never ceases to make my day. The number of suitors she had rejected in this manner might be the requiem for my unwanted attraction to her. A fitting end, I suppose. Tragic nonetheless.

A "husky" plan comes to mind, as suggested by the shark. Humorous, to say the least. Highly inappropriate when applied within the bounds of reality and the norms of human society. "I crush you" is hardly a good way of expressing one's affections. I must contemplate more on how to convey this matter in a more dignified and fitting expression. Something better than "I crush you." No pun intended.

Incohesive Thoughts and Memories

I just had a weird dream last night and could not piece it together. One minute I was with a beautiful young lady on my way to a distant place to unwind and the next minute, I was watching Gary V. perform live inside a church because he thought the music was a little too mellow for him. Like I said, weird. The thing is, I didn't know the young lady I was with but she had a familiar feeling like I've met her somewhere before.

Dreams are not made purely out of fantasy but rather they are made from the inner bowels of our unconscious mind. The people and things are not really non-existent but rather incohesive thoughts and memories from the past or present. This I learned from master Yoda himself. The troubling part is not when Gary V. started to dance but, the reason why I was in a Roman Catholic church with a familiar someone. I knew the place was cold, (must've been Bagiuo 'coz I've been dying to go there this past few months), and that the person I was with was someone I knew very well and was deeply in love with. Though dreams are never really taken seriously by science or otherwise, they are regarded as an omen or sign in the old days. The gift of foresight (common among jedi), is believed to be channeled by dreams when people go to sleep.

For now, I will meditate on this. Thoughts and memories are still a tool to be wielded properly and if properly allocated, will help you reach your proper end.

Diverse Paths

I had just been with my colleagues over dinner to wish one of our cherished friends luck on her journey to a foreign country to pursue her career as a pharmacist. It brings me joy to see one of my friends start out to find their dreams and live them and it pains me as well for I may never see her again.

It has been nearly four years since we graduated and went out on our separate ways to live our dreams. It's amazing how God brings different people together, break them up but still keep them connected in a totally different manner. In our journey through life, we travel along a common road and take paths along with the people we meet and at one point we would have to take a different road that may or may not lead to the same place we're trying to get to.

It's nice to know I have found a handful of people who are willing to walk the same path as me. I may lose some of them at one point but I know that I met these people to get me not to where I want to go, but where I should be.

Bleeding Existence

Over the week I was unable to work as my kidney problems set in and it has proven almost impossible to concentrate because of the pain. I set out to heal myself and ask God for the guidance I need to overcome the emotional and psychological repercussions of this event. As most guys don't think about a certain event in their life with much depth, I on the other hand, had made it a habit to always see things in different perspectives and points of view. A jedi trait lost to the general public.

As I am emotionally driven, my feelings are at the core of what I do. If I'm down, so is everything else. The recent illness I had dealt more damage to my mood than it did to my physiology. During the ordeal, I couldn't help but think that I was almost in my death bed with my blood pressure almost reaching an unstable level and there was no one around me and that no one even tried to contact me to even check if I were alive at the time. I almost died alone. Oh tragedy of tragedies. Can't say it never happened before though.

It is times like these when a bachelor such as myself feel the impact of being alone. Can't help but compare my life to some of my friends. Their special someone would not leave their side even if its just the flu. Corny, and yet it is something I've been missing all along.

Regrets set in as I lay down on my bed. I've always believed that love is not love until you give it away to someone. I almost died without having to tell her how I feel. And yet as tomorrow comes and I see her again, I would not have the courage to. The thought of her having to say "Scram!!" at my face is just too unbearable. Her thoughts betray her as I feel she already knows. She acts otherwise and refer to me as a third party with no name. Cute. Who knows, maybe I'm just paranoid. And so I must continue on to this road that the good Lord has set upon me. To continue a bleeding existence that will someday claim my life. Or not.

The Dark Side

I've reviewed my blogg page and it would seem that it has been filled with my angst and my disappointments along with some of the anger that has been building up inside me. My apologies. I do have a lighter side if you know me in person. The dark side of me is not exactly a pretty picture to behold. I'll try to include some of my usual humor and crazy antics as often as I can. Thanks.

Another Season of Loneliness

'Tis another Yuletide season fast approaching. I can almost smell the streetchildren coming to let out a song in exchange for cash. A gesture I never learned to appreciate. Forgive me if I sound like Ebenezer Scrooge so early in September, but I couldn't help but notice the nights are getting colder and longer. I'm getting older in the next month, people don't seem to notice as usual. Suits me just fine, I cant stand people greeting you to blandly ask for a free meal, I have none to spare, nor would I want to use my precious resources to feed some people who hardly knows me.

The past few years, I had less celebrations on the day I was born. Mostly 'coz I don't really care. I don't like the attention. Why should people treat you differently only because you were born on that day? If they really care, they would've treated you the same way all throughout the year! I dislike the fact that I'm reminded that I just got older with another year of being alone.

Last year, I thought it would all change. Didn't count on the fact that things don't really go the way you planned it. Must've been an oversight if not wishful thinking. The anomaly continue to haunt my dreams, she seems beautiful each day. Must be just me. As always, even if you can see the future, you cannot see past the next minute. Life is really unpredictable.

Contributor to the Cause

Hey guys, I'll be a contributor to Lynx's blogg page www.freshink.blogspot.com in the hopes that the women will understand us guys better by hearing our side of the story for once. Thanks for always reading.

Just Another Face in the Crowd

Love is truly a wonder to behold. It can inspire you and be a reason for your bitter end as well. It has come to my attention that some people are more resilient to emotional distress than others. To some, a lost love could be a life-changing event and would completely change the way they feel and think. Still for others, it's just part of life that you would have to go through. And to the few selected ones, just another excuse to get laid.

For those who know it as well as I do, after everything else has faded and the love that was is nothing more than a scar, we find it hard to go back to the way it was with the person you used to be with. After everything has been said and done, the moments shared will never go back to the friendship state that existed before the relationship. Atleast not after a while. Some take years to rebuild, mostly because they haven't seen each other in years as most scenarios suggest. The most common outcome of a relationship that didn't work out is a bitter and cold silent treatment.

Its amazing how one person could mean the world to you one day and would amount to nothing the next. Yet another mystery left uncheck by the Jedi council. Brings to mind this one time I was strolling at the mall and saw a familiar face. We came face to face but could not say anything to each other or know what to do. We just crossed paths and moved on. She disappeared among the crowd as I looked back. Then, there it was, I just realized that she and I became estranged to each other. We became just another face in the crowd that is unrecognizable from the rest.